Flourishing Relationships – Tips for talking to each other

One of the key factors of a good relationship is good communication. In fact I believe communication is the glue that sticks us together.

However, I have often heard comments like “We don’t talk anymore” “He/she doesn’t listen to me.” “We fight then don’t speak to each other for ages.” Is it any wonder that so many relationships are in trouble? Is it any wonder that there is so much divorce; not just between marriage partners but also between parents and their children?

We’re Not Talking!
Hilary Thompson

Here are a few tips to help:

• Stop trying to be right. Be open to considering another point of view.
• Understand that everyone’s point of view has validity, even if you don’t agree with what they are saying.
• If you are feeling angry about a situation, say so; but walk away and resume the conversation later when you have cooled down.
• Really listen to what the other person is saying. This takes effort but is very worthwhile.
• Never, ever, put down or belittle the other person.
• Trying to “get back” at someone is useless. It does not achieve anything other than bad feelings and will never resolve the issue.
• Be kind to yourself and to the other person. Kindness can open doors for resolution.

I hope these tips are helpful. Sometimes we need help to resolve issues and to communicate effectively with each other.

I can help.

Hilary Thompson

The Out and About Therapist

Facilitator at: Flourishing Relationships Retreat

Flourishing Relationships – Cup Cakes

Take the following:                                                     

• A gallon of  friendship
• A ton of  trust
• A kilo of  respect
• A pound of  appreciation
• A liter of  caring
• A pinch of kindness
• A sprinkle of humor
• A tablespoon of patience
•  Several bags of communication
• A load of mediation
• A bushel of understanding
• And the gift of your time

Mix all the ingredients together with an everlasting stream of love. Portion out into patty pans and bake with passion.

Give each other a cup cake daily, iced with some extra love and care. Remember to make a fresh batch regularly and enjoy.

Having problems with your baking?

I can help.

Hilary Thompson

Facilitator at Flourishing Relationships Retreat

The Out and About Therapist

Flourishing Relationships: Patience – a key to good relationships

“Patience is a virtue” said my Grandmother to me, many years ago when I was a child. Patience seems to be one of those old fashioned values that appears to have been forgotten. Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to get what they want; or to go where they want to go and being patient is not part of it. No wonder so many of us are so stressed out.

Bird Rage Hilary Thompson

 A prime example is the child in the Supermarket with it’s mother. The child is grizzly and impatient. It wants a candy bar or some other item, so to shut the child up, it is given what it wants and is allowed to eat it before it has been paid for. I find this extraordinary behaviour on the part of the parent. 

This is not teaching the child about patience. It is just teaching the child that it can have what it wants when it wants it. A very selfish and self centered way of behaving. 

Having a lack of patience causes all sorts of stress in our lives. A good example of this is  Road Rage where motorists are so impatient that they attack others for apparently being in their way. 

People get angry about having to wait for just about anything these days. It is all crazy stuff and totally unnecessary. 

Patiently Waiting Hilary Thompson

I saw these dogs when I was out and about the other day. They were patiently waiting for their owner to return to them. There was no barking, they were just quietly waiting. Every time they saw someone heading in their direction, they stood up and wagged their tails as if to say “is this our person?” And when it wasn’t, they just sat and quietly waited. A wonderful example of patience.

We could all do with cultivating more patience. Being patient with ourselves and with others   is good for our health, mental and physical. It enhances our relationships with friends, family and work mates. In a nutshell; I believe Patience is essential for living a happy and healthy life.

Having trouble with being patient? Do you get angry easily? Contact me; I can help.

Hilary Thompson

The Out and About Therapist

And

Flourishing Relationships Retreat

Photos & Focus

As an amateur photographer, one of the main concerns when taking photos is all about focus. As you can see with this image, I messed up the focus and lost all the detail of these

Fuzzy Fuchsias

lovely Fuchsias. Yes, the colour is there, but the detail is missing and the lack of focus makes it uncomfortable to look at the picture.

This image is much easier to look at. The focus is sharp and you can see all the detail, not

Fly Agaric Fungi

only on the Toadstool, but also the details of the surrounding leaves and grasses. The only thing missing here are the Fairies, but maybe they are just hiding and shy of being photographed!

Where am I going with this? Well, life is about focus, which is something not all of us are good at.

Instead of being fully focused on what we are doing, we tend to try to do too many things at once and then wonder why we are stressed. Multi-tasking these days seems to be the norm; but I believe that multi-tasking is not healthy or productive. When we are not focused on what we are doing, we tend to miss out on the details of the task at hand; which can cause us more work in the long run.

Not being focused on what each day brings can cause us to re-visit the past or project ourselves into the future. This is not helpful as it can make us miserable by allowing feelings like guilt fear and worry to take over. The truth is we can not change the past and we have yet to reach the future.  As the Buddha says:  “The past is already gone, the future is not yet here. There’s only one moment for you to live, and that is the present moment.”

Some people might say “I don’t have time to focus on one thing because there is too much to do.” This is a furphy. As Eckhart Tolle says in his book The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment:  “Time isn’t precious at all, because it is an illusion. What you perceive as precious is not time but the one point that is out of time: the Now. That is precious indeed. The more you are focused on time—past and future—the more you miss the Now, the most precious thing there is.”

Here is a picture of a golden rose. I have taken out the back ground so that all you can see is the rose. There is nothing to distract your eye from it.

Golden Rose – Hilary Thompson

This image can be used as an exercise to experience being in the Now. Focus your attention on the rose; notice the colours, the shapes of the petals and ignore any chatter in your mind. Notice how that feels; just for a few seconds.

For those few seconds you have nothing in the future to worry about, nothing from the past to feel bad about. Feels good – doesn’t it?

Right now I am focused on writing this blog post. Right now I have no past and I have not reached the future. And guess what, I am happy and peaceful. I am not thinking about the past and feeling bad about it. I am not thinking about the future and worrying about what might happen. I am just enjoying creating this blog post. I am living in the Now and believe me, it is a good place to be.

Hilary Thompson 

The Out and About Therapist

Facilitator at Flourishing Relationships Retreat

Flourishing Relationships – Appreciation and Gifts

Magnificent Protea Flowers

One thing I believe to be often forgotten, is that we all need to be appreciated. There is nothing worse than feeling that we are taken for granted. I often hear people (mostly women) complain that they are taken for granted by their partners and children. And they are sick of it.

What happened to showing appreciation for all the things that are done to help us in life? It seems to have got lost in the drama and hubbub of life. Showing appreciation does not have to be a big thing. The little things mean so much. It could be a bunch of flowers, it could be making someone a cup of tea; or just taking the time to listen to them. Doing the dishes or taking out the garbage with a smile on you face. Whatever works for you.

A good question to ask yourself every day when you wake is “what can I do today to make my wife/husband/partner feel appreciated and loved?” Then having answered that question, just do it.

Hilary Thompson MIICT

The Out and About Therapist

Facilitator at Flourishing Relationships Retreat

Flourishing Relationships – Mums and Dads; remember the romance.

Even though life is pretty hectic these days, it is important for Couples to remember to nurture their relationship.

Parents please remember this: your relationship with each other is the primary relationship in your family. It is more important than the relationship that you have with your children. Your children learn about having relationships by observing the relationship that you have with each other. 

Golden Rose

Relationships, just like flowers, need to be nurtured or they will die. I believe that this is often the cause of couples growing apart and splitting up.

Lotus Flower

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here are some hints to help you nurture your relationship:

• Take regular time out for yourselves without the children.
• Make a date for a romantic evening – court each other.
• Ask yourself each day “what can I do today to help my partner to feel loved?”
• Listen to each other with care.
• Do your best to see the other person’s point of view.
• Express appreciation for the things that your partner does to help out.
• Be considerate and polite towards each other.

All this seems so simple, but it is so important and can often be forgotten.

Do you need to refresh your relationship and resolve some issues? Then the Flourishing Relationships Retreat could be just what you need to get back on track. Check out the pages in this blog for details.

Flourishing Relationships – Roundabouts and how to get off them

Do you and your partner fight and argue? Do you go around the same old thing time and time again? Are your children the “meat in the sandwich”?

If you have answered “Yes” to any or all of these questions it is time to make a change.

Continuing as you are is like being on a roundabout that you can’t get off; and all that happens is that both of you are resentful and miserable. However, you can, if you are prepared to make some changes, get off the roundabout.

Here are some hints to help you :

•  Most importantly, never, ever, fight in front of your children; or anywhere that they could hear you. Fighting in front of children damages them emotionally and is tantamount to child abuse.
• Put yourself in your partner’s place and think about how he or she might feel about what you are fighting about. This can give you some useful insight.
• Listen to what your partner is actually saying and think about it before replying.
• Acknowledge and validate the other person’s feelings.
• Think about how you usually react and then think of a way of reacting differently.
• If you are one of those people who have to always be “right”, does being “right” matter that much if it causes disharmony? Sometimes it is useful to not be “right”. Are you a big enough person to do this?Do you have the courage to admit that sometimes you are “wrong”? Of course you are, otherwise you would not be reading this.
• Be open to compromise. 
• Do not make a molehill into a mountain. In other words, do not create a drama out of something that is really only a small issue. 
• And finally, keep calm and never end the day on an argument.

Want some help? 

The Flourishing Relationships Retreat Adelaide South Australia could be just what you need. Email us for details.

Flourishing Relationships – A Sparrow’s Tale

I love Sparrows, they are such cheeky little birds.I met this one recently while having afternoon tea at a rather nice restaurant near Adelaide.

The Sparrow was hopping around under the tables picking up the crumbs that had fallen from the plates of the diners.It was quite at home in the restaurant and looked well fed; so I presume that it was a regular visitor.

I think Sparrows are amazing. They, like many of us, have migrated to Australia from Europe and like many of us have adapted to their new surroundings and become very successful.They are very social birds, flocking  not only with other Sparrows, but also with other bird species.

In fact, you could say that Sparrows are quite a lot  like us.

Another of their qualities is that they are very good opportunists, as this male House Sparrow demonstrated, by using the restaurant as a source of food. We, like Sparrows, are social beings. We are meant to be in relationships that are loving, harmonious, nurturing,supportive and that help us to grow as people.Unfortunately our relationships are often not like this.

We often forget that we need to work on our relationships. That our relationships need constant care and attention to flourish. Our relationships need to change and adapt as life changes, just like the House Sparrow adapts so that it can flourish  in different environments.

And like the House Sparrow, we need to be open to taking opportunities that will help us to grow and enhance our relationships.

Does your relationship need a little TLC right now? Want some help? Then our Flourishing Relationships Retreat could be just what the doctor ordered. So be an opportunist like the House Sparrow and email us at:

Flourishing Relationships Retreat  and we will send you information about this unique opportunity.